I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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