i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
