so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
how drunk are you?
Several
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
