it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
