I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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