Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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