I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
