I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
A bitchslap is in order.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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