put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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