I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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