he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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