If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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