Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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