I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
