Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
