Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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