I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
