her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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