I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
