So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
