Non-Jews are for practice
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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