my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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