One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
