So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I wear drunk well.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
