this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
