well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
