hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
