I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
