Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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