I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
