I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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