I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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