how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We left the knife in your bed.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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