I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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