Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
