Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i out mim tonsoeep
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