If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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