You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize