im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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