Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
