im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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