Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
