trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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