So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
