I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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