apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
