If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
