Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
