At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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