so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
