im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize