We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
