My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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