I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize