It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize