upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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