Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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