All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
