i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
