Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
