Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
