plz talk dirty to me
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
