gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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