Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
its liver damage thursday
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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