you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
