Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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