When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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