The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
