I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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