ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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