Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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