I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
