To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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