I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
