i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
