Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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