Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
