If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
