can we get nightvision for the apartment?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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