You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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