please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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