Hey man sorry I got all grabby
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
