So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
