Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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