Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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