My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
