My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
