Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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