i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
