a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I AM VODKA MAN
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
