I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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