my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
