I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Let's get the cat blown out
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
