today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
