i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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