I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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