apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
