in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
