Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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