We're facebook friends in real life
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
