Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize