this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
