distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
