i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
accomplished twins. life is a go
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
