she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
