fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
