she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
