I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
